Can you do seashell?

It was one of those long Saturday afternoons in winter. The TV was showing some crap that was being interrupted by some other crap and the sun was so low on the horizon that it touched some corners near the living room ceiling that don't usually see the light of day.

This reminded me of the fact that it had been more than five years since the living room – and all the other rooms coming to think of it - had last seen a new coat of paint.

After unsuccessfully trying to ignore the light stains and the long time that has passed since the last fix up of my apartment for some minutes, I decided to do something about it.

But this time I will get a professional painter rather than doing it myself (which resulted in loads of seashell colored clothing).

The following Monday I sat in my office (I work in an advertising agency) and looked up some phone numbers of local painters. I wanted to keep things local and decided to choose someone from the neighborhood.

I quickly found a painter just two blocks from my place and dialed his number.

"Hello you've reached Schroeder's Painting Inc., how can I help you?"

"Good day, Zooot speaking. I plan to have my apartment repainted in seashell white and would like to invite you to a pitch presentation if you are interested. When can you drop by?"

"Pitch? You mean you would like to have a cost estimate?"

"No, no ... I mean a pitch as in pitch presentation where you paint part of my apartment in seashell to demonstrate your painting skills and to show me that you understand my needs."

"Let me get this right ... you want me to paint part of your apartment seashell white? For free?? Just to prove that I can paint ... listen, you can believe that I can paint ... I've been in the business for more than 20 years..."

"Yes of course, of course ... that is the reason why I decided to invite you to this pitch. From what I hear you've got an excellent reputation in your field of business. You know for my partner - my wife – and me quality is very important but we just want to be sure that you meet our high demands concerning creativity."

"Creativity ... didn't you just say you want seashell white or do you want me to pick a color or what?"

"Well you know, I am interested in your personal style, your individual stroke as they say."

"What do you mean by stroke, that is done with a painting roll... roll up, roll down, and repeat until the job is done. I've been doing this for 20 years and before that my father and my grandfather."

"Yes I know and I value traditions, I have been following the development of your company for many years and I know many of your excellent projects."

"Then you know how we work ... so what's all this pitch stuff about?

"Yes and no. You see every room is different and every wall has individual needs. Believe me, I have been looking at walls for 40 years now and I know when I like a wall and when I don't. Everything has to fit you can't just splash any paint on and expect it to be okay."

"What do you mean by any paint? I thought you already decided to go for seashell white?"

"Yes, yes, yes ... but for one thing I have to see this in my own apartment to experience the whole impact and for another thing I want to find out how we work together."

"Listen buddy, I come to your place with two assistants. We paint your place and you write a check. That’s how we work together!"

"Aren’t you forgetting some things here? I expect you to do a pre-pitch to check if the painting is going into the right direction. Then I have to consult with family and friends to add last minute changes in the scope of the project and after they give the go-ahead you can proceed with the pitch-presentation."

"Let me see if I understand you ... you want me to paint your place seashell white. And when I am finished you ask some buddies what they think about it which may result in me having to paint the place again...?"

"Now you get it. Oh, we - especially my wife - like to have some exclusiveness. So if you win the pitch and paint our apartment you have to sign an agreement to not paint any apartment in the immediate area for one year and never again in seashell white..."

Click ... Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep

"Hello?"

He hung up. How rude. The conversations with other painters did not go any better. I was just about to give up and get some cheap unskilled painter for the job when I suddenly remembered that the rental contract for my apartment states that I have to use the official painting lead agency my landlord specifies.

Oh well.